Dharma 24

Beyond the lizard brain - with Nightcafe AI

I first wrote about crafting a personal dharma in 2023*, after spending several months trying to find clues in our ancient texts. That search took me, among other places, to the Manusmriti*, a screed for a society that was caste-riven and deeply misogynistic. The Law Faculty of Delhi University had proposed to include it in their syllabus, beginning this year; so-called liberals pushed back, and I believe the proposal has now been dropped. I have mixed feelings, because my study of the text taught me how vile casteism is, how deeply at odds with the republican ideal of equality before law.

But back to my own efforts to craft, or draft, my own code of conduct, “the precepts that have become part of my life, by osmosis, observation, or self-observation.”

I refined the text last year, around this time. Last week, I observed the end of my 68th year on the planet, and decided this is a good time of year to revisit these thoughts, make some refinements, add some new ideas. Much of it will be familiar to you, if you followed my substack last year, but…

Being kind.

It’s very satisfying. Sometimes - or perhaps always, till you become a bodhisattva - it goes against the grain, the lizard grain of selfishness that is part of our genetic makeup. But if you expand the definition of selfishness beyond the material, to include the emotions that actions generate, being kind is a profoundly satisfying act, which typically makes you feel much, much happier. And the other good news is that - as with any other form of practice - it keeps becoming easier. The more you practice kindness, the more it becomes part of your patterned response.

There is something expansive about the act of kindness, and even if that is entirely due to the fact that it inflates my ego, it also helps whisper in my ear:

Dil chhota nahi karnaa

This just doesn’t sound the same in English - be big-hearted? 

The thought goes beyond both charity and generosity. It reminds me to not let my being shrink in response to the smallness of others. I must be the best person I can be, not a shifting image of every person I encounter, each with their own frailties, insecurities and alien value systems. I must take the best, not the worst, from every situation, and try to remain open and positive.

Truth, above all else. 

Honesty goes beyond not telling lies. It demands that I try to accurately represent the truest and deepest version of what I know. This dictum is especially demanding when bringing up children, for whom the message needs to be simple.

I learned two things as a parent, though:

 - children are capable of a lot more nuance, at a much younger age, than you imagine:

- 'simplicity' should not become a convenient crutch for you to tell half-truths.

Don’t inflict injury

"Duh! That’s obvious", you could say.

But the younger me could be very callous and insensitive. A part of my journey, I hope, is learning to be more careful with the impact my way of walking the world has on others.

People can be vulnerable, and it is very convenient to ignore that vulnerability as you lurch through your own life. As you grow older, you often acquire more power, even if in a narrow eco-system, and can inflict pain on others, perhaps unknowingly. Don’t let that ‘unknowing’ become an alibi. Try to be aware of the impact you have on others - as I write later.

Your children come first

My child was the only being I willed into the world. 

Hence, my responsibility for his nurture was absolute, total. 

I couldn't alter his genes, but I tried to understand his nature, give it all the room to grow, under an umbrella held high enough to shelter but not stifle.

Don’t sweat the small stuff

We can burn so much energy on really small things - why that cup has not been returned to the kitchen sink, why the curtains are not fully drawn, the kurta worn creased, the scratch on the car unattended. 

The “search for perfection, is all very well, but to search for heaven is to live here in hell.” Gordon Sumner aka Sting.

Never lose sight of the really important stuff - find time to listen to music, to admire the sunset, to give gratitude for the many gifts brought to you by the tides of fortune.

Gratitude

Always 

Value friendship

Deeply.

Honour your friends with time, attention, respect, and when needed, help. 

Motivational speakers have popularised the statement, “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with”, and though this is not strictly true, friendship goes to the very soul of being human - sharing, loving, appreciating.

And learning, about which I wrote*.

Don’t let your possessions own you.

Physical clutter is one of the by-products of material progress, and I am continually trying to cut back on ownership of 'things'.

Success on this front is always partial, but I think the real battle is in the attitude towards possessions - never pay obeisance to them.

Let objects pass through your life like the baubles they are, the ornaments, not the heart of being.

A verbal commitment must bind you like a contract

Nothing you say should be a jumla.

Don’t do it for the money

I adopted this maxim 22 years ago - that I would take on work if it appealed to me, without asking how much it would pay. 

And the obverse - if something didn’t appeal, say ‘No’, without asking what it pays. This was extremely liberating, and allowed me to look at work with joy and anticipation, rather than as a means to an end. 

This may not have worked when I was in my 20s; it may have led to penury before I built a home, so it is a special blessing to be able to live by this rule.

But I think there may be a deeper dynamic here - if you work at the things you enjoy, you will put more of yourself into them, you will gradually achieve that rare quality of authenticity.

You Can’t Own the Outcome

Only the doing. The Gita taught us this, but most of us refuse to learn - modern life, especially corporate life, is all about results. Gandhi refined this thought, by committing to the means, and averring that the end never justifies the means. Modern political life is a complete inversion of this central Gandhian principle: power, attained by any means, is the central dharma of the politician. Its corollary is even more noxious: deprive the opposition of power, by any means possible. 

In my personal, and professional life, I must not allow myself to be contaminated by an unprincipled focus on goals. The means mean everything.

Nevertheless, when you choose a path, commit to it. Commit to giving it  your best, all of your attention, and experience. 

Update for the 21st century: turn off your cellphone when you're in a meeting, or sharing life with friends.

Honour chance, or karma.

Some of my most meaningful experiences and relationships have come from random encounters - a lost stranger at a bar in Edinburgh, or a swimmer on a far shore in a Faridabad quarry. This could only happen because I created space in my life for the unexpected.

I read this, which I loved:

"Learn to listen. Opportunity sometimes knocks very softly."

Know thyself…

Consideration is the best gift you can give any being - your child, your spouse, above all, yourself. 

To give yourself what you really need, what will enrich you, you need to understand yourself.

Meditation helps. I used to practice meditation regularly, and though I'm no longer as clear about what it means, I do try to spend 15 minutes every morning in quiet mode, subduing the chattering monkey of the brain, trying to listen a little harder, deeper.

So does awareness, which is a living, ambulatory meditation. Awareness of intention, or lack of it, of others, and above all, about the impact you have on others - making people uncomfortable, not giving them space to be heard, or to grow into new or changed circumstances.

Including thy body 

Shareer gyaanam, pratham gyaanam. 

This machine is aging. I need to respect that, not by retiring to a couch, but by coaxing it into movement and training, by living with its limitations, but not without trying - deeply striving - to keep nudging those limits.

In early June, we returned to our hill home after several months, and Bhuvan had cleaned my cycle, pumped up its tires, propped it against the verandah. From the garden steps, I could see the hill roads snaking down to the valley, recall the slow grind back home from a ride earlier in the year. It would take me at least ten days of training before I could repeat that with some degree of comfort. 

“How many years?” I thought. “For how many years will I have the ability to do this, to get on a cycle, and pedal 600 vertical meters up from the valley floor?”

The answer is - I don’t know, and it doesn’t matter. I can do it today, and that’s what matters today. And as long as I listen to my body, I will recognise the tomorrow when I no longer can.

Never stop learning

Luckily I was born in 1956, the Year of the Monkey, so I am insatiably curious. Still, as you get older, it is easy to become content in what you know. I am sometimes able to recognise when my boredom* runs really deep, into the very heart of the work I do, or the life I lead, and - so far - I have been able to make radical shifts every eight to ten years. This shift into the unfamiliar also forces me to 

Retain a sense of humility

And not assume that age, money, or position should automatically bring privilege.

Don’t try to be someone else,

Because each of us is unique. I try to speak to my own strengths, address the ways in which I would like to improve myself. Too much focus on the lives of others leads to

Envy

Sheer poison, which also demeans your sense of self. 

Too often, that sense of envy is directed at one tiny facet of another person's life, maybe a very superficial aspect of their being - a possession, a title. Own, and tresure your entirety, your whole being.

You can turn envy into a motive force, say to drive a Mercedes one day, or to throw a javelin as far as Neeraj Chopra - but first dig deep to ensure it really means enough for you to dedicate years, or decades, of your life to getting what someone else has.

Every man is worth the consideration you give him

I inherited this maxim from my Nanaji, my mother’s father, whom I never met. This is one of the most difficult prescriptions by which to live, especially in a society as stratified as ours. But when I try to reach out, and gather a glimmer of another’s life, the experience is always rewarding, often surprising. I dealt with one aspect of this here: 

1. https://mohitsatyanand.substack.com/p/striving-for-significance

2. I wrote about crafting a dharma here: https://mohitsatyanand.substack.com/p/21-charity-and-cagr-crafting-a-dharma

3. “Read the Manusmriti”, a minor girl was told by a judge of the Gujarat High Court, in response to her father’s plea to allow her to abort a foetus, conceived of a rape. Girls, he observed, used to get married at 14, and have children at 17. Since this was only an observation, and not part of a judgement, it was entirely gratuitous, elided the fact that she was a victim of rape, and ignored the law that sets the minimum age of marriage at 18.

   The honourable judge reminded me of my reading of three significant Indian texts on dharma, which had opened a “window into patriarchalism, hierarchy, cant, and ritualism.” 

4. Learning from friends: https://mohitsatyanand.substack.com/p/-23-demolition-derby-learn-with-friends

5. About boredom: https://mohitsatyanand.substack.com/p/battling-boredom