Talking Hate

No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite. Nelson Mandela

But who will teach them love, once they have been schooled in hate?

What I see is that, once hate takes root, it is difficult to dislodge. Tribalism sets in and deepens the chasm between people. Tribal chiefs are then selected by their ability to fan the divide, to demonise and defame, to exhale fire and venom, and promise retribution and revenge. These chieftains then have a deep interest in keeping out peacemakers who can reach out across the divide and try to bring about even a small measure of understanding, leave alone peace.

For their continued reign, tribal chiefs need to paint potential peacemakers as being traitors to the cause, as ‘secret sympathisers’ of the other side. And when a tribe defines itself by demonisation of the other, suspicion and hatred become intrinsic, so easily extended to anyone who steps out of the party line.

The New Delhi housing society in which I live was being riven by the matter of a charitable school run on land within our boundaries. The agreement between the Society and the school was to terminate in March this year; as provided by the terms of the agreement, the Society sent a termination notice to the charity running the school last March. A long-term well-wisher of the school, I thought the language of the notice was harsh and unwarranted, and joined a campaign that pleaded for the school to be allowed to continue.

With the renewal of the agreement still a year away, the office-bearers of our society refused to commit either way. The Friends of Vidya campaign grew increasingly strident, then deteriorated into suspicion and wild allegations that the office bearers of the Society intended to use the school premises to run a sports facility, or hand it over to one of their relatives.

The default response to slurs is counter-slurs, so Society officials alleged that the land was in danger of being appropriated by the school. The two meetings between the school charity and the Society - now seen as being two ‘Sides’ - were fruitless confrontations of hostility and suspicion. Old rivalries, which always exist within a community, lined up, and filed cases with regulatory authorities. With less than a month for the agreement to expire, the closure of the school was imminent, and the quality education of two hundred and fifty children on the line.

The good news is that someone did reach across the divide and find common ground between the two parties. A fresh agreement was reached with six days to spare.

When this was announced, the Friends cheered on our Whatsapp group, as one would expect. But within a matter of hours, the focus of the group shifted from the issue to the individuals involved - suspicions about their motives, and allegations of procedural impropriety. The legality of the new agreement was questioned, even before anyone on the group had read it. Logic was abandoned, language distorted by vitriol and hatred.

When hatred becomes deeply embedded, resolution ceases to become the objective. Instead, hatred becomes an end in itself. Resolution becomes an obstacle to the force that has kept the tribe together, provided it with motive energy. Such energy is corrosive to our inner being, makes us ugly and perpetually angry. But it requires a huge act of will to let go of the hatred, because the energy it provides is real, and powerful, and hence addictive. Turning it off is like going cold turkey after years on a hard drug. Meanwhile, there are the pushers, those whose power comes from reminding you that your hate is warranted, just, or ordained.

Hate never leads to justice. When it becomes rooted in a society, its most visible manifestation is the very opposite of justice - mob violence, and the wilful destruction of due process and the rule of law. Healing is postponed, in cycle after cycle of revenge and retribution.

For those who don’t care about justice, are impervious to families whose children are lynched or houses demolished, these words of Swami Vivekanand are a quiet reminder to consider our own well-being:

Do not hate anybody, because that hatred that comes out from you must, in the long run, come back to you. If you love, that love will come back to you, completing the circle.